I read a lot of sober storys on Medium. They are entertainment, education and motivation for me. They are not like James Bond stories, where James takes some sips from a Martini glass and vanishes with two model girls. These tales are about real life, real struggles and real wins or losses. Written by authentic people, human beings like myself.
Let me tell you about my experience with alcohol. I guess it reads like a normal drinking “career” in the western world. Starting at around 18, drinking became my drug of choice. I was the typical weekend binge drinker, always looking for parties and action. My 20s were pretty crazy, partying like a madman. I had countless blackouts, encounters with the police, acts of violence, vandalism, loosing money, cell phones and jackets. The list goes on, but lets shake it off, we were all young and wild right ? The hangovers were bearable and I just laughed it off with my friends and continued the craze.The ignorance, selfishness and justifications of these times are mindblowing to me nowadays.
In my 30s, I am 38 right now, I calmed down a little bit. My interest in the party world lessened, because the hangovers were just too bad. But I would still binge regulary, it was like a ticking time-bomb. I could drink 2–3 beer and call it an evening but all of a sudden I would shove 12 beer down my throat. Wander around on the streets like a zombie or sleep on a friends couch. From time to time I would even drink on a Sunday at home telling myself I need to relax. Very normal behaviour in the western-world. Nothing out of the norm. When I think about it, it is insane how normalized alcohol consumption is in Germany.
One evening changed everything I remember it vividly, especially the feelings I had afterwards.
It was my birthday, I decided to meet with some friends on the basketball court. Guess what, because it was a special occasion I needed a lot of drinks. Just by typing this out, I realize how brainwashed I was. But let me continue.
I bought a ton of beer, approximately 50 beer. I took a backpack full of bottles with me on the court. Not a small backpack, a huge hiking backpack I could barely carry. We parked our car on the street nearby with even more beer in it. There were 4 people coming to this party and one of them is not even drinking a lot. The good old greed.
Into the evening we are having some fun, throwing balls, playing music and talking. Everything is nice at this point. All of a sudden it gets cloudy and windy and it starts to rain. We decide to go to my place and continue the party.
Arriving at home my friend gives me a “whisky bottle” . Happy birthday !! As we are pretty buzzed from the beer already, we start to drink the whisky out of glasses, taking big sips. When it comes to hard liquor it is game over for me. I will definitely do something stupid or black out. I have no tolerance for this stuff.
I put on some loud music and start dancing like a maniac. I cant remember my moves exactly, but they must have been very wild.
The next thing I know, a big man is standing in front of me, asking if I am alright and If I have taken any drugs. It was a paramedic. I just remember he was very tall and had a huge backpack. I looked to the side and a friend of mine was sleeping on the bed, pretending like he is not present.
Somehow I managed to fall on my head with full force. I was bleeding so bad, my girlfriend had to call the ambulance. I dont know how I fell and I didnt feel any pain. She told me I creeped out of the kitchen on my knees bleeding all over the floor making some strange sounds while staring into a void. Some dark picutres are coming into my mind.
The next thing I know, I am waking up in the hospital, clothed with a hoodie and my long johns. I have a slip of paper in my pocket with some information from the doctor. My shoes are standing near the bed and there is a bottle of Fanta.
I feel like I have to throw up and my eyes are feeling like they are about to explode. I am angry and depressed, feeling like the biggest piece of shit on planet earth. All I want to do is beeing home starring at my screen and binge eat some crappy stuff. I dont even know in which hospital I am. I am so ashamed I just sneak out of the hospital without telling anybody. I need a minute to get some orientation. Than I finally realize where I am. The hospital is a 45 minute walk to my home. I start to walk throught the city with my long johns on and a Fanta bottle in my hand. Happy birthday !!
On the way home I start to think about all this. I know there are 2–3 days of hangover ahead of me. Not the birthday I have imagined. I start to think how this could happen. I just wanted to shoot some balls and have some fun with friends and I end up in the hospital because of alcohol ?
What about all the plans I made for 2021 ? What about health, education, money, projects ? All gone for some glasses of whisky ?
Finally I arrive at home waking up my girlfriend, she is also badly hungover. She opens the door and immediately goes back to sleep. I go to the bathroom, there is a mirorr. I dont like what I see, my face is swollen and I have a huge pavement on my head. I start to think . Why ? All this for 2–3 hours of laughing stupidly ?
This is the moment, when I decide I can’t control alcohol and I am going to be sober for a long time. It makes click in my head and I know I am going to follow through this time.
As I write this, the date is 24/5/2021 and I am 2,5 month sober. The longest period since I was 18. I dont know if it is forever or not. I just dont want to drink anymore. In retrospect I am thankful to this whisky bottle and to the scar on my head. I think they made me wiser. As my experience with sobriety continues, I will write about it here.
Thanks for reading and cheers.
More of my stories:
